Three Top Tips for a Stress – Free Divorce

One thing that I have never been able to get used to in my years of practice as a Solicitor dealing with family disputes, is the dynamics involved when a relationship breaks down.

I recall the first time I completed a divorce and telling the client that I was sorry to tell them that the divorce had been finalized.  This client (who was the petitioner, ie the one who applied for the divorce) gave out a cry of happiness.  I was stunned – how could this be? What was so good about getting a divorce.

What I later realised, however, is that we all make mistakes.  And sometimes, we mistakenly marry the wrong person.  If that happens…a divorce is inevitable.  In the UK, typically, one in three marriages end in divorce, and of these many involve families with children.

At the end of the day if two people (or sometimes one person) decides their marriage is a mistake then ending the marriage may be the only way forward.

breaking up couples

So, although I despair when I  hear that a marriage has ended in a divorce, I have set out below three things couples need to do to make sure that their divorce is as stress free as possible…after all, in family breakdowns there really are no winners..

  1. Make a decision that you are going to have a stress free divorce.  It’s a common fact that in order for something to be someone has to make a decision.  This is no different with a divorce.  You need to make a promise to yourself that no matter what happens you will keep a cool head – not easy, but it really is rule number one.  So send a message out to the universe that you are going to stay calm.
  2. Agree with your spouse the reason that you are divorcing.  In the UK there are five reasons you can get  a divorce which, in no particular order, are 1) You have been separated for five years, 2) You have been separated for 2 years and you both agree to the divorce. 3) Your spouse has behaved so unreasonably that you can no longer stay married 4) Your spouse has committed adultery 5) Your spouse has disserted you for at least two years.  Any one of these reasons can be used to prove that your marriage has irretrievably broken down.

Now imagine you decide not to agree or discuss the reason for the divorce.  You send divorce papers based on behaviour, filled with all the bad things your spouse has every put you through, or you send them papers accusing them of adultery, or asking your spouse to pay your legal costs.  Do you think your spouse would co-operate? Would this be a good way to ensure a peaceful relationship in the future.  Probably not.  So trying to reach an agreement, as much as possible, in your personal circumstances can be crucial for a stress-free divorce.

  1.  Put the children first.  One thing that can rarely be doubted is that even though a couple have decided to get a  divorce, they do both still love their children.  However, the bitterness and animosity that each holds against the  other can sometimes spill over and affect the decisions they make about the children.

So, for example, the parent who has kept the children will prevent the other parent from seeing them or, the “non-resident” parent may refuse to provide financial support for the benefit of the children.  Sometimes, on the basis that the other parent will spend the money on themselves.  In my mind that is a moot point because that parent will still have to meet the day to day expenses for the children. So there really is no reason for one parent to withhold financial support from another parent just for the sake of it.

Equally, I feel very strongly that children don’t really care about the bad feelings between their parents.  In all likelihood they would be used to this as they would have seen their parents arguing or not even speaking to each other at all prior to the separation.  In my view, children will feel it is important to maintain a relationship with both parents where both parents have been loving towards them.  As a Solicitor who has dealt in many family disputes over the years, I have seen all too often previously married couples at court not speaking to each other giving, frivolous really, arguments about why one or the other parent shouldn’t see the children.  I’m not talking here about proven cases where domestic violence is involved , but cases where the only real issue is that the relationship has broken down.

In my mind, if both parents can be guided by what is best for the future of the children, this will go some way in ensuring that the divorce process runs smoothly – because you will be taking your focus off the things you don’t agree on and focusing on the one thing you do agree on – the happiness of your children.

 So there you have it.  What I believe are three tips that can take you on the path to a stress-free divorce.

 And if you are really struggling to resolve your issues during divorce then you might want to try relationship counseling.  Many relationship counselors also provide families who are breaking up with support to overcome their differences and make decisions that you can both live with.

Good Luck…!

What about you? What top tips to a stress-free divorce can you suggest.  Feel free to share your thoughts below.

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Rachel Toussaint is a Consultant Solicitor at Rogols Consultancy, Birmingham UK.  She is a human rights advocate especially as it relates to immigration, family law & civic duty.  She is also a consultant for small businesses and entrepreneurs. In her blog she shares legal tips to empower clients to quickly and effectively resolve their legal disputes. http://www.racheltoussaint.wordpress.com

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 Images courtesy of Free Digital Photos

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About Rachel Toussaint
Headed by Solicitor, Rachel Toussaint, we are a dedicated boutique niche law practice specialising in immigration for people who wish to come to the United Kingdom to visit friends or relatives; to study; to work or start a business; to join family members or people who are already in the UK and wish to stay here. We will carry out an initial free telephone assessment of your status and advise you on the best way forward to acheive your desired outcome. We have particular expertise in immigration that involves human rights and European law as it applies to the UK. Call 0121 448 9255 for your free "Immigration Status Check".

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